Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I've made an actual journal entry. I figured what I had to say this time is a bit more lengthy, and I'd rather not submit as a status. So much is going on, I needed to write a journal.
Nothing much has been going on recently, however, my depression and BPD have been getting worse with each passing day, even with antidepressants. I'm thinking that next time I go to the doctor, let him go ahead and prescribe me the full-powered 220mg dosage of my prescription antidepressants. It would really help. Because of this, I've been less motivated than ever to get anything done or do anything, let alone do anything besides sleeping. I mean, I've done stuff, but not much to be honest.
Also, in regards to uploading art, I have some art in the works sitting in my "PSD files folder" ready to be finished up, but I haven't had motivation to get them done. It also doesn't help that every time I've tried drawing with my tablet (to digitally line and colour my sketches), it's given me awful pain in my hand. I can't explain it at all. Probably from too much drawing as it is.
In addition, I probably can't upload or finish art for a long time anyway, because I'm currently in a stressful position, and I've been forced to deal with some very personal problems in real life the past couple of weeks. And it doesn't look like things will let up for a long time, a few months at least. I'd rather not talk about what's going on right now, but just please try to understand that I'm currently at a very rough time in my life for a while, and I can't get anything done until it's all dealt with. Because of all if this, I've been forced to drop out of college until it's all dealt with. In any case, as I said, because of this, I'm unsure when any art will be uploaded again. Maybe there'll be pieces every once in a while, but for the most part, art probably won't be posted until my situation is over with. I'm not tired of deviantART. I just can't be on as much for a while.
While cleaning up earlier, I found a lot of my old art from about 9 years ago, and as always when I find old art of mine, I get the strong urge to redraw it all. So eventually I may do so. I just...whenever I find old art, it makes me cringe so much at how awful it is, and as an art "perfectionist," I always have to redraw old stuff. And I got to thinking. I'm tempted to Google image search the name of my very old deviantART account (long deactivated since about 2012) just to find some of my old art I don't have saved on my computer nor are saved on paper somewhere, so I can add the art to the "Redraw" folder on my system. Problem is, I was really cringey and creepy back then, and I'm really scared I'll find hate art about me from those days, or anti my art or whatever. I know I shouldn't be worried, but I'm the type of person who takes any negativity, even small, makes me upset and it never leaves my head. But I'm thinking I may risk it anyway, and just ignore anything that isn't my art. We'll see.
Lately, another thing that's been upsetting me is that soon it will be my late friend's birthday, he would have been 23 this year. *Sighs* I really miss him and it's difficult to not think about about him constantly. He was such an amazing friend and person.
Also, I'm trying to work on a comic, using characters that belong to
(he gave me permission to do so and to use these two characters, as he hasn't done anything with them for 15+ years. He let me do whatever I want to do with them), and I'm planning on working on that when everything in my life gets better. I have a basic storyline (not telling. No spoilers), I just need to improve my writing/storytelling and then execute the ideas into paper. I'm looking forward to doing this when I'm able to.
Anyways, I'm really sorry for a long, very depressing, and boring journal with no real, or even positive, news, but I just had to inform you all why I'm not going to be very active for a while, and how my mentality keeps suffering more because of it. Hopefully I'll be able to come on and upload a lot more again. Until then, have a wonderful day/evening.